so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
