every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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