ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
