So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
