$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So squirting runs in the family.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
