Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why did my mother make you get naked?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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