his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
