I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
