Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ambien. No doubt about it.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
