Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
