i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
