i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize