I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
