you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
