Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
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