Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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