So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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