sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
