Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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