If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
