no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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