I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
