girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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