I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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