that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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