Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
