dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
