I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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