So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
