I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
