Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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