Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
