I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize