you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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