Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
