im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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