Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize