Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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