two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
