Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
