his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
