just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
barbara walters just said penis...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No subtext here. People are naked.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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