sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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