i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
