VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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