i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he was CRYING into my vagina
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
