I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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