new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
