I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
