do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
