He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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