no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Can I color on your dick again?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
