I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
