Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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