Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
