Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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