thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
