I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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