Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
