Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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