i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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